Null is almost a metaphysical experience. It’s a novel you slowly digest, as it makes you feel like you were there, on the front-line of a nightly war. By using his poetic language and sublime metaphors, Twardoch wrote a life-affirming book, taking place in a threshold to Hades.

There are no happy endings during war, and Szczepan Twardoch seems to truly understand it. Since the war started in Ukraine, the Polish writer has got involved in several kickstarters for the Ukrainian army and, at some point, he organised a few of them, too. This support allowed him to travel there, and see, through his writer’s eyes, that there is indeed nothing romantic about war. It’s far from the image of Hollywood films and computer games. War is just war and it never ends: there is no escape, no deus ex machina and no hope.

This is the first book after reading All Quiet on the Western Front that made me feel so many conflicting emotions. Although it’s not as quiet as in Remarque’s memorable ending, “Null” just makes you hate war even more. We follow it through the eyes of “Koń” (The Horse, it’s his nickname in the army), a Polish citizen with Ukrainian roots, who, most unexpectedly for his family and friends, has decided one day to fight for Ukraine and assign himself to the army. Twardoch shows us all his fears, anxieties and questions he asks himself about the war and his national identity. He was born in Poland, so why does he suddenly feel Ukrainian? Why now? Why is this feeling so intense?

There are many questions Koń ponders about throughout the book, while the situation forces him to fight, kill, shoot and try to survive to another day. Yet, he is certain of one simple thing: he is not going to survive. He won’t be back, he won’t reconcile with his mother, he won’t see his sister and he won’t feel the touch of his lover. All these scenarios only haunt him in his sleep, but they won’t happen in real life, that’s for sure. When we understand Koń’s fatalistic perspective, it becomes (just like for him) slightly relaxing, even though nothing is soothing about it. It just allows him to find harmony, while bullets fly just beside him.

Twardoch wrote a book on a collective experience of Ukrainians (one that is fictional and presumably inspired by the stories he has heard), which makes us realize that we’re all only human. And, no one, no one really deserves to experience war, even in the tiniest part. It’s a piece of art, but also a pacifistic anthem. Null puts its readers in a new perspective: it makes them feel grateful to be alive.

Photo: Piotr Molecki, East News

4,5/5 stars

Author: Jan Tracz